Carmel Drivers!!!

Its been a while since i have done a real original rant. Last rant was a bit dry and i apologize....I think I was sober. This rant will not be as good as earlier ones because I am waitin for a game of beer pong to start up, but I promise more and better ones will soon follow. This rant is about drivers in Carmel, Indiana. If you have ever driven in Carmel you will understand this. We will start off with roundabouts. Are you fucking kidding me? They are not hard to drive on. You yield to the cars on the left and driver in a fucking circle until it is your time to get out. I do not know how many times i have had some dumb ass carmel mom driving her Hummer or fucking Escalade stop in the middle of a roundabout. I almost grabbed my 9 iron and pulled a tiger woods' wife on their ass. And dont even get me started on the Asians and roundabouts. This brings me to my next point. Monday Carmel got a WHOLE inch of snow. This was normal to me, but to all carmel drivers it might as well have been a god damn blizzard. It took me 45 minutes to get 2 miles away from my house because of people do not know how to drive on an INCH of snow. I will say that on one road it was complete ice and was hard for me to drive on, but i drive a rear wheel drive Camaro that can't even handle rain. I was over an hour late to my speech class and it was for my FINAL. A fucking FINAL. As the late, great Colonel Sanders would say "Are you kiddin' me!!!!" I have ridden with people trippin balls that drive better in the snow.

Going out with a BANG!!

It has been about 9 months since my last post, and I have gotten a few requests for a new rant so i decided why not. This rant is going to be a little different. Its going to be a cleaner and actually have a purpose to it. I know messed up right? I had trouble thinking of a topic to rant about and nobody really had any good ideas, so i kinda gave up. Today, I was reading the news on line, ya thats right I can read. But its not really news, I only look at the "offbeat" section, which is just funny news. I can across an article titled "Man demands to drink beer before arrest." It was about a man in Florida who lost his job and really wanted a beer, so he stole it. The cops arrested him and he demanded that they let him drink it. They would not and he started fighting the cops. The first thing that popped into my head, other than that this man is my hero, was what a great story that would turn into. This man could tell this story to his grandchildren, and them to their grandchildren and so on. At this point I realized that i dont have any good stories. Sure I have a few dumb drunken moments that involve running from cops and driving around drunk friends and getting pulled over. However, none of them are worthy of telling future grandchildren. They are definitely not as epic as parking your car in a golf course (and when i say park your car in a golf course, I mean parking it on the tee box HAMMERED). I need to do something EPIC while im young and stupid. I know for a fact I have the friends that are willing to help, but probably it would get us all killed. But I guess its worth it if you really want a good story haha

Cheetahs and PETA FAGS!

I know it has been a while since my last rant, but Gavin, Dre, and Lance gave me this idea to rant about these Peta fucking faggots. All of these Peta Douchebags thinking that they can save the fucking world by not killing a cheeta or some of that bullshit. I honestly dont care if a cheetah is killed to make a sweet sweater, as long as it is not UGGS or some bullshit carseat cover. One person not buying a cheetah sweater is not going to stop all of this animal killing. Also those vegetarians that do not eat meat because they think that they can stop the killing of cows, BULLSHIT. I will eat the extra steaks that they dont eat. Its more for me. If we didnt kill cows and deer, they would overpopulate the world and would learn english and take over the world. Im just sayin those animals are fucking smart. Have you ever tried to sleep standing up? Its impossible, but those cows can do it. Would you ever kill anything that could do that. Back to the subject. Peta needs to shut the fuck up and let people buy fur. If I was ever at a fur store buying a fur coat (Which i wont cuz im not gay) and some doucebag threw red paint on me, I would buy a Glock and pop a cap in a bitch's ass. Peta needs to mind their own fucking business and let me kill a Cheetah or two. Its not hurting anyone.( Except the Cheetah ofcourse, but they dont have feelings). Also, Lance cant whistle for SHIIITTT!

Halloween Costume

I have no idea what I want to for Halloween, but i have been given many options. To be completely honest the only way I remembered to spell Halloween was to recite the song. You know the H-A- double L-O. You know that one. I need something funny, but creative to dress up as for Halloween. I have been given the option to dress up as a tampon, a dildo, and all the other nasty shit that you can think of. While I am ranting on about what I want to be for Halloween, there are probably hundreds of thousand of people getting ready to dress up as the Joker from the new Batman. For every person that I see that dresses up as the Joker, I will punch Kyle Penfound in the face. I almost don't even want to go out on Halloween for fear that I will be embarrassed just to see 500 Jokers in one room. If anyone reading this is thinking about dressing up as the Joker for Halloween, JUST DON'T. You might think it is a good idea until you see every other person in your neighborhood with the exact same costume. Just think of something creative and do that instead of doing the obvious Joker choice.